I Don’t Want to Die This Way
By Han Geyou (Hanshan · USA)
Translated by Cao Shui
Edited by Arthur Peng
I am not Hai Zi
not Gu Cheng
not Pushkin, who fought a pistol duel
still less would I dare follow Qu Yuan
and leap into the surging waves of the Miluo River
turning the eight-hundred-li Dongting Lake into one vast tomb
Through the centuries
what have people been mourning
the madness of poetry
the humiliation and fury of heroes
or countless wronged souls
reborn time and again in helplessness
In truth, this world
is more absurd than poetry
some proclaim lies as truth
some hold justice high
yet give their souls to ghosts in the dark
I will not die senselessly
if I must leave
I hope it will be on a night when moonlight flows like water
I will leave my final cry to the dawn
I will hold my head high
to give meaning to a life deemed lowly
A flower
a cup of wine
a friend far away
an unfinished poem
and
a heart still beating in the deep of night
To live
is an act of defiance
and I
will not let my final poem become a poem of death
I will write to the sea
write to my homeland
write to those souls who, in the darkness
still have not given up searching for the light
我不想这样死去
文 / 韩舸友（寒山.美国）
我不是海子
不是顾城
不是举枪决斗的普希金
更不敢学屈原
跳入汨罗江的波涛中
将八百里洞庭变成一座巨大的陵寝
千百年
他们在祭奠什么
是诗的疯狂
是英雄的屈辱和愤懑
还是无数冤魂
千万次无奈的重生
我不会糊涂的死去
假如离开
希望是月光如水的夜晚
我要将最后一声呐喊留给黎明
我要用高昂的头颅
诠释卑贱的生命
一朵花
一杯酒
一个远方的朋友
一首没有写完的诗
以及
深夜里一颗仍然跳动的心
活着
就是一种倔强
而我
不愿把最后一首诗写成死亡
我要写给大海
写给故乡
写给那些在黑暗中
仍然没有放弃寻找光的灵魂
2026.08.10
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